Yesterday I woke feeling uncomfortable, foggy and disconnected. A long way from my usual self. I couldn't focus, and it seemed to take me an eternity to perform a simple task.
Rewind to last week, just 24 hours after arriving home from my weekend getaway, see more here, I found myself (with Mike) in a meeting regarding our fertility situation. We had this appointment booked for quite a while, and off the back of an amazing holiday, I was really excited about it.
The appointment went well, but a few unexpected realisations shook me. They shook me good! And it took a few days for me to get my head around them. I'll go into more detail in the future, but for now I'm keeping this one close to my chest. I'm coming to grips with this now, and learning to accept it the way it is. I mean, some things really can't be changed, and they need to be loved and appreciated for what they are, right?
Couple this, with a bit of pre-menstrual weirdness, and there I was still in my PJ's at 1pm on a Monday, dreaming of the Airlie Beach Sunshine. You're probably thinking, well ahhh duh, we all miss our holidays when we get home. But this time it was different. Although I loved the sunshine, the relaxing, the time with my girlfriends, what I was missing, craving even, was the feeling. The total calm. The spirituality. The connection I made with my inner child. The clarity. The flood of creativity. The feeling of being miles away from my troubles.
This really got me thinking, how much of our life do we actually spend chasing a feeling, rather than an experience. When you crave something, a person, a thing, a place, are you really craving that, or the feeling you will have when it's in your arms? In a fleeting moment of despair, my mind latched on to a time when I felt fulfilled, loved, safe and free. A time when I felt supported, happy and creative.
It's funny how these life lessons pop up when you expect them least. For now I'm working on a stronger connection to the feelings I crave. I encourage you to do the same. What is it that you want to feel? What is it that you love to feel? How can you bring more of that into your life?
Does this resonate with you? I'd really love to read your reflections on this post in the comments section below. Big love!