A few months ago I set the intention and created action steps to facilitate a 100 Day Transformation of my own. I felt called to turn inward and after giving and serving so much within my business, it was time for me to invest back in my own growth (so I could start the cycle again!)
Winter is a very internal time for me, so the call to go inward wasn’t surprising and it felt really natural.
I cemented my intentions, structured my non-negotiables and set out to care for me in a deeper way than I had done for some time and without even realising it, I set some really firm guidelines for myself.
I want to stop and be clear here for a second. I have ALWAYS set strict guidelines for myself - rules, boundaries, and (cringe) expectations.
When I say always, I mean for as long as I can remember. I’m talking way back in primary school.
All things considered, you can probably see how I was able to be really strict on myself, without realising it.
It was habit.
But there are no mistakes and that was one of the biggest lessons I was to learn.
When I think about the beginning of the 100 days, I really feel that the strict guidelines I set were just what I needed in that moment even though I dropped them not long after.
Now, at the end of the 100 days, I’m quite far from those requirements I put on myself but the interesting part is, I’m better for it.
I now realise that they aren’t a measure for my success.
All I really needed to do was set heart guided intentions and create space – and then rest would flow regardless.
I thought that coming to the end of this project, I would have a daily yoga practice, insanely amazing diet and longer meditation practice. And the truth is I have none of those.
But that’s that thing about expectations…
They’re our own projection of what we think is best for us, when truthfully there is a divine plan at play much greater than our understanding.
STRUGGLE IS A SIGN YOU’RE RELYING ON YOUR OWN STRENGTH.
- Gabrielle Bernstein
In the process of the 100 days, the divine energy that surrounds me (it surrounds you too) guided me into letting go of the push, the struggle and the expectations.
And what resulted is a new level of inner peace that I’m so comfortably sitting in. It feels as though I’ve returned home after months away.
As I’m sure you can tell, this process has uncovered a lot within me that was obviously waiting in the stalls to burst out and reveal itself. And so, I want to share my biggest lessons, because I know if they resonated with me, that on some level they are likely to resonate with you.
LESSON 1: THERE ARE NO MISTAKES
Everything happens the way it is supposed to, forever leading us closer to our truth. You’re not meditating wrong, you’re not journaling wrong, you’re not soaking almonds wrong, you’re not raising your child wrong. Give yourself a break sister! You’re doing the best you can with what you have – and that is exactly as it should be.
If you’re thinking... What about that loser I dated, or how I chose my career over travel, or what about that thing I said to my child – they were all choices I wish I didn’t make.
They are only mistakes if you choose to see them that way but more on this in lesson two.
Every single experience has led you to where you are today. Both the beautiful and the painful. Truth be told that in time the pain brings the most peace.
Everything will be okay in the end, and it it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
But there’s one key to this and it leads me to lesson number two.
LESSON 2: IT’S NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU DO, IT’S ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK AND WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE
Intentions create your thoughts, thoughts create your actions and actions create your reality.
If you choose to see your past as a big fat failure – that’s exactly what it will be and in turn, your life will manifest in that way.
If you choose to see it as a series of divine moments that have and are leading you to a space of inner peace – then that’s what it will be.
Our mind is an incredibly powerful tool and if we don’t use it wisely, it uses us. So choose your thoughts!
When you feel a nasty thought come into your mind, acknowledge the thought (I am aware of this thought…) and then choose again (…but have decided to choose again). Then go ahead - make your choice!
This is a great opportunity to insert a mantra. You could try one of the following…
- I love and accept myself
- I am a magnet for love
- I am here to serve
- My heart is open
- I surrender to a higher power
- I am a part of something greater than myself
LESSON 3: PEOPLE COME AND GO
Throughout the 100 days, I stepped away from two friendships. Both for very different reasons, but the heartbreak is the same. Grieving each of them came with a lot of pain, guilt and a big hole in my heart.
But what I’ve come to realise is that it’s okay for me to let go sometimes. In both cases, I made the decision to step away (for different reasons), and I did that from a place of love.
That doesn’t mean I need to bad mouth either of these women or that I think I’m better than them.
When I think about both of these women, I think about the moments we shared and I am really grateful for that. But I know in my heart that I didn’t have a place for them moving forward and that’s okay.
Couple kindness with strength.
If you need to let go of people, do it with grace, kindness and compassion.
Bitterness hurts you more than them.
LESSON 4: FOCUS ON WHAT IS WORKING
I love finding solutions and fixing problems and I’ve always had an attitude that if there’s something I want, I’m going to get it. And I always find a way.
So when it came to my own healing, I knew I could fix it.
But what happened was I begun focusing on my darkness. All the things that I perceived as faults. I was hunting for what I needed to fix and once I achieved that, I’d begin the process all over again.
And it was leading me down a dark path.
Like pitch black.
Until I read a blog post by my friend Elle-Fit and this wise-beyond-her-years lady reminded me to focus on the light. The timing of the post could have been more perfect – I was ready to receive this particular message, on that particular day.
So let me remind you, there is actually nothing wrong with you (or me), it’s just what you choose to see.
Focus your energy into what is working, and when there is something that needs to be addressed, it will reveal itself – there is no need to hunt for it.
LESSON 5: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN WELLBEING
Plain and simple, stop expecting someone else to do it for you.
If you want to feel better, then do the work (with all of the above lessons considered).
No one is going to sweep in and rescue you, nor should they. If you want the results, you need to show up for yourself. It's time to stop making excuses, and show up for you.
Until you break the habit, you will continue to get in your own way.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
So what will you do today to break the cycle?
Here are four tips for facilitating your own transformation…
DON’T FORCE IT
Let go of expectations and just surrender to it. Remember what I was saying about the struggle being a sign that you’re relying on your own strength?
Trust that you will be guided to what you need to be guided to, when you listen to your heart.
SET YOUR INTENTION
This is very different to a goal – remember we don’t want to create an expectation.
Ask yourself – why do I want to invest in my self-care?
What do I want to hold space for? Ease, openness, healing, friendship, love, inner peace?
There is no wrong answer! Whatever feels right for you, is perfect.
Free up your schedule, let go of resentments, guilt, anger – anything that is taking up way too much space in your life.
Notice where you mind goes when you daydream.
When you create space for light, it comes flooding in (if it happened to me, it can happen to you!)
PRACTICE SELF LOVE
Deep self-love starts with choosing loving thoughts for yourself – and no one else can do this for you.
Then secondary to that, are all of the practices that light you up from the inside out. Yoga, beach walks, running, soul chats, animals – get clear on what makes you feel whole, and make it a part of your life.
Us women need to stop trying to do it all ourselves!
Call on your loved ones or if they don’t support you in the way you know you need to be supported, reach out. As a life coach, I support my clients through their own transformations every single day.
Okay, enough from me, now I’d love to hear from you!
What resonated most with you from this post?
And what do you feel inspired to do in your life now?