By now, you may have heard that my husband and I are expecting a little boy in April 2018. We’re so overjoyed, and still getting used to the fact that we will be parents very soon.
Despite the fact that together we had been through multiple unsuccessful IVF attempts, and miscarriage a couple of years back, you can imagine our delight (and shock) when we discovered that I was pregnant - naturally.
To be totally honest, even though we had wanted this for so long, a part of me was not expecting it.
Even though I always felt when it was time, that it would happen naturally, I was still in shock.
In January this year Michael and I had our 3rd IVF attempt. This time we kept it really quite. At the time I wasn’t sure why, but now I know it was because it was going to be so tough, that I needed to just be with those closest to me.
They gave me the highest possible dose of hormones to stimulate my eggs, and with that I had intense symptoms almost instantly! Much different to the time before.
The whole month was really hard physically, more so than emotionally this time around. The hardest of all of our attempts by a long shot. And to make it more challenging we were only able to retrieve one viable egg.
After the surgery I was really unwell, and in bed for a few days, and quickly slipped back into adrenal fatigue - my body had enough.
We transferred, and it didn’t take.
It was almost instantly that I said to Michael that I couldn’t do it again. That was it for me and my body, I knew I was done. I didn’t want to put my body through it one more time. I was so grateful, when he said ‘thank god, I couldn’t watch you do that ever again’.
I’m sure you can imagine that it’s taken some time to actually realise that there is a little person growing away inside my tummy.
But I am getting my head around it, and moment by moment, it feels more real.
When I share that after almost 5 years and all of our experiences and challenges, that it happened naturally, so many people ask what was different? Why now? And I’ve put a lot of thought into this.
The first six months of 2017 I fully immersed myself in growth, and I must say - it was really intense. I needed to repair my body and mind after the month we’d just had. I felt called to ask for help, and I believe that the work that I did on myself at that time was the final preparation that I needed to be ready for this little soul to come through me.
I worked with a Coach
For the first time in a while, I chose to work with a personal coach. Not a business coach, or someone who could help me in another area of my life. I knew that there were things that I needed to shift, and if I had someone to support me it would flow a whole lot smoother, and I wouldn’t have anywhere to hide.
Equally smart and scary.
I immersed myself in 5-6 months of 1:1 coaching, and promised myself from the first session that I wouldn’t hold back. It was all in or, not at all. I declared my deepest fear, my ugliest thoughts, cried, journalled and visualised my way through the series under the guidance of my coach. I went into my past, forgave myself and others, and actually allowed myself to heal.
I changed my routine, and found a deeper respect for my body, and just how special it is.
Something I was craving.
I did kinesiology
I had never tried kinesiology before, and didn’t actually know much about it, but was called to it. So, on my healing and full immersion journey, I committed to it. I wanted to give it a try. I needed support to heal, and I knew that Tara could offer that.
What transpired in our sessions and what we uncovered still blows my mind. And in fact one of the deepest traumas I held begun in my mothers womb.
I can say, that of the three areas we worked on, I’m an now completely in abundance.
Believing that I could conceive - that happened!
Creating abundance in my business - that happened!
Relieving the pain I held from scoliosis - my spine is straighter and less painful than I ever remember
All I can say is if you’re called to it, just do it. Don’t ask questions, stop being sceptical and just try it!
I became a yoga teacher
If the other two weren’t enough, I enrolled in yoga teacher training, and spend Saturdays for 6 months showing up to learn more about my body, on a deeper level. In the mean time, I made connections with the most incredible women, who are very dear to me.
I’m going to dedicate two blog posts to my Yoga Teacher training experience in the coming weeks, so stay tuned for those.
I started eating meat
After being vego, then vegan, then vego again, then pescatarian over the course of about 6 years, I decided to stop doing what I thought was best, and I checked in with my body, and asked what it wanted. Meat was the answer. And it took months for me to get my head out of the way, and just do what my body was asking.
But one day, when I felt the urge, I acted on it, and I ate meat. And I can tell you, I felt so much better for it.
My health wasn’t great, and my body was craving grounding, slow cooked food, and when I listened my energy shifted.
I don’t fit by a label now, my body is clean enough of anything processed for me to listen to what it’s asking and act on it.
I took time out
Together Michael and I took three holidays in the first half of the year, Tasmania, New Zealand and a quick Melbourne trip. All of which gave me down time, and an opportunity to get away from the day to day routine that was leaving me depleted.
There’s nothing like a holiday to help shift perspective and inspire change. At the time I was suffering from a bout of adrenal fatigue, so I like to think that I needed three to bring me back to life!
I started taking nutritional support
Even though I’d made the changes to my diet that I had, I still had lots of rebuilding to do. Does anyone actually get 7 serves of fruit and veg a day? I definitely wasn’t.
After watching the success of one of my friends on the same product, I gave it a go, and was pulled out of adrenal fatigue within two weeks. There were gaps in my diet that needed filling, and I was able to do that.
I saw a natural fertility expert
I wanted the perspective of someone outside of Dr’s and naturopaths, who knows hormones like no-ones business, enter Nat Kringoudis. I had regular Skype sessions with Nat, where we made ever so slight changes in my supplements and diet to make sure that my body was repairing and rebuilding. Nat is an absolute pocket rocket and filled with knowledge, as are the whole team at the Pagoda Tree, and working with her has been really empowering.
And I continued with my other routines
These are the routines that were already established, like journalling, meditation, visualisation, walking and acupuncture for example.
So what made the difference?
I don’t know. There were so many variables in those six months, compared to previously, I could never pin point it. I like to think it was a combination of everything.
But if I’m super honest (and for those who are struggling with infertility) I think he just came when he was ready to. That no matter how hard I tried, cried or begged, he wasn’t going to come until it was time.
I’m so incredibly grateful for all that I’m experiencing now, and I’m also grateful for my bravery in allowing myself to be immersed in healing. The start of 2017 was INTENSE. All of that healing and growth in 6 months is not for the faint hearted, but because the timing was right, and I wan’t forcing it, it flowed. It was intense, but it flowed.
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