THE FIRST THREE MONTHS
If you aren’t up to speed, make sure you check out this post first.
I thought it would be fun to document the progress of my pregnancy to share with you because as you know, I love to take you along for the ride! Plus it will be fun to look back when our little guy is here, and it’s all a distant memory.
I plan to share with you the high’s and low’s of each trimester, but we will see how I go as I get further into the pregnancy.
As you know by now, this little guy came along when he was ready, and so I wasn’t expecting to be pregnant at all! After almost 5 years (that’s 56 cycles) of not being pregnant, I was hopeful, but it was no longer something that filled my mind, as the end of my cycle drew near each month.
We were actually in Bunnings - for those of your who aren’t in Australia, it’s a home hardware/improvement store - and Michael and I were picking out plants for the garden.
All of a sudden, one second I was fine, the next I wasn’t, I felt light headed, faint and started to shake. I went and laid down in the car while Michael finished shopping, thinking it was a side effect of the iron transfusion I’d had two days prior.
I went home, ate some smoked fish and avocado on crackers (a big no-no in pregnancy) and downed a mug of bone broth. Then I went to sleep. And I stayed put for close to 24 hours. Perched up in bed, by this point certain I was coming down with influenza. My body was incredibly fatigued, and the thought of moving alone made me close my eyes.
It wasn’t until I surfaced the next day that it entered my mind (ever so briefly) that my period was maybe a couple of days late. I checked my app, and it was. Nothing out of the ordinary though, my cycle fluctuates by a few days, so still I didn’t really think it was a possibility that I would be pregnant.
Michael went out to get himself a coffee, and a chai tea for me and I said maybe it would be a good idea to pick up a test, so that we could ‘rule out pregnancy’. Remembering that I still felt awful, and like I was about to come down with influenza. You know those moments before you realise you’re sick?
And of course the test was positive.
To say I was shocked is a understatement.
I actually thought Michael had bought some other type of test where two lines meant negative. That was how unbelievable it was.
And when I realised it was in fact positive, I had no words, just tears.
Later that day (probably 10 minutes later - it seemed to be the longest day of my life) Michael shared that he knew that morning when I asked him to get the test, that I was going to be pregnant. And let me remind you that is not the first time he’s been to by a test! And every other time it always felt like it was a waste of time, as if he always knew. This means so much to me, because it meant that he was so connected to the fact that I was pregnant, even before I was!
As I was saying, the day went FOREVER, and we didn’t know what to do with ourselves. What do you do on a Sunday when you’ve just found out you’re pregnant after 56 months of crossing your fingers? I actually don’t remember what we did, but it was a strange day to say the very least!
THE IRONIC PART
There are so many do’s and don’t’s to get caught up in when trying to conceive and I’d given them all a go. But in that week before we found out, when I was just pregnant, I broke every rule.
We spent a whole day painting our fence, I ate smoked trout, I drank wine, I used Clary sage essential oil on what I thought was period pain (obviously now I know this was implantation pain), I ate refined sugar… Honestly the list goes on.
This is not the reason I fell pregnant, because I already was, but it’s worth keeping some perspective if you too are hoping to conceive. I believe that one broken rule here or there isn’t going to make any difference. If that little soul has decided it’s time to come, it’s coming no matter what.
Apparently a bit of a badge of honour? I must say I have received some strange questions and reactions around this!
Let me tell you something a little personal about myself. I have a phobia of vomiting, so I was a little anxious about how I would handle any morning sickness.
It turns out that I felt seedy sick from about 5 weeks until 11 weeks, every single day, all the time. Sometimes it got worse, but it never went away.
I however, I did not throw up.
There were plenty of times I could have, but due to said phobia, held it down with all of my strength. (You would be surprised at the power of the mind!)
When I have shared this with people, they have said things like ‘oh if you had morning sickness like I did, you couldn’t have held it back’. Maybe that’s true, I don’t know. It’s not to say that my experience was harder or easier, it just was what it was.
As the weeks passed I learnt how to best handle it with food and rest, and by about 8 weeks was able to manage it enough to feel like I could survive to 14 weeks if it last until then. I was so happy, when it started to lift at about 11 weeks.
Although, I do still gag sometimes when I brush my teeth!
LIFE + BUSINESS
I was really hard to function in the world when I was feeling so terrible, and I retreated for almost the whole first trimester. Michael and I made the choice to only share the news with immediate family and two of my closest friends - mainly for support.
It was really tough not telling my clients, and feeling like I was letting them down. There were times when I just couldn’t show up, and it was an immediate lesson for me, that I had to learn to be okay with that. My health and that of the little human growing inside of me, was now number one priority, and even if other people didn’t know that, I needed to adjust quickly.
I cancelled all no essential commitments, and spoke to all of my clients from bed, sleeping in between sessions.
I also had a couple of speaking gigs during that time which was TOUGH. I had to get my mum to drive me to one of them because I was so unwell, I really didn’t know if I was going to make it through the 2 hours without being sick! But I did, and then fell asleep in the car on the way home.
Through all of it, even though I was challenged and I retreated inward, I was so grateful that everything was tracking along perfectly. Our blood tests and scans were all ‘perfect’ as my Dr shared with me - something I’d never heard when I’d been to her office before! I really felt (and still do) like the luckiest woman in the world.
Despite the most challenging days, I never for a moment stopped feeling grateful for this miracle.
FINDING OUT THE GENDER
I always knew that I wanted to know the gender from the beginning, and Michael didn’t mind either way. When it came down to making the choice (we had the NIPT blood test at 10 weeks which looks at some chromosomal abnormalities, and can also test gender based on chromosomes) Mike was happy for me to make the call.
And here’s the interesting part… When I found out I was pregnant, and up until 8/9 weeks, I was certain it was a girl. Everything leant towards girl. But around that point, I started to feel differently, something shifted and all of my tendencies changed, my food preferences, how I was feeling, and my connection to the baby. And I started to feel it was a boy.
At the time I thought I was doubting myself, and going against what I intuitively felt. So I carried on, and didn’t think much of it.
When we got the results, and found out it is a boy, obviously I was really excited! But I was also a little hard on myself. Unsure of why my intuition had lead me astray. I actually thought that maybe while I was pregnant, my intuition might be a little off.
I’m such a sensitive person (not in the emotional sense), I pick up on subtleties all the time and am usually so in tune.
It wasn’t until Michael was reading a parenting book (seriously, look at him go!) that I understood. He read me a passage that said all babies are female until 8 weeks, when, if they are destined to be a boy, their body starts to produce more testosterone, and they develop male body parts. This is in fact why men have nipples, but don’t need them.
I did not know this, and for me it was the reminder I needed to trust those intuitive nudges more than ever, ever when they seem to make no sense!
THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE
I feel like no one tells you about this, but let me tell you the fatigue was by far the biggest challenge throughout the first trimester. I was completely exhausted, all the time.
I would wake up around 7am and remembering thinking how sad I was that it was at least 12 hours before it was bedtime again! Ha ha!
I literally spent every moment I could sleeping or resting, and come 6pm each day I was spent!
And let me know remind you I have had adrenal fatigue in the past, I know what exhaustion feels like, and this was it!
I bow to the mums pregnant with 2nd, 3rd or 4th babies, having to show up for your other children, or the women who have to show up to full-time jobs while feeling like this. IT WAS SO TOUGH!
There are so many so I’ll dot point them…
+ Finding out that we had conceived naturally, my biggest dream came true!
+ Seeing Michael's face when he knew I was pregnant! (I couldn’t do words, just tears, but he knew)
+ Sharing our news with my parents and brother. They were there through every part of our journey, and I knew how tough it was for them to see us struggle, celebrating with them felt like we’d come through the darkness together.
+ Knowing that even when I was home by myself, I was never alone. My little guy always with me now, and for many years to come.
+ Seeing him on the scan for the first time.
+ Watching and hearing his little heart beat. My favourite sound in the whole world!
+ Finding out Michael and I are having a son!
+ Dreaming about our lives together as a family of three
+ Finding out my brother and his partner are also expecting a little one, due two weeks before us!
+ Knowing that this little human is coming into the most loving environment possible! He is so so loved already.
+ Telling my Nan. I’ll never forget her face!
I know it’s cheesy but I can’t help it #blessed.