My loved one’s happiness and fulfilment, is more important than my own.
Would you ever speak those words?
Often our actions reflect something completely different to what we think on the inside.
In last weeks email blast I shared a story from my thoughts on just how unaligned our actions often are with our deepest desires, and the soul-squad went a little na-na for it. Because, lets face it, most of us struggle to put ourselves first.
Despite the fact that you know self-care matters, why do you keep putting everyone else first?
Your mind is probably listing off reasons right now, to justify putting everyone else before yourself.
Like, it’s a really busy time of year at work, I need to do extra work, or Felecia gets really anxious when I say no to plans. Or I’ll start putting myself first when life isn’t quite as busy.
Why do we do it?
I believe this is for two reasons…
Firstly, it’s habit. We’ve been doing it for so damn long that we don’t know how to operate any differently. The ability to do anything for anyone else is so heavily engrained in our lives that we don’t actually have a conscious understanding of how to operate with our own needs at the forefront.
And secondly, every time we try to do any different, our ego tells us it’s not necessary, we don’t have time, or we’ll do it later.
Both of these create a cycle of stuckness. Where we continue to put others first, become exhausted, frustrated, and feel undervalued for all we do.
I used to feel like this, until I made conscious shifts to actually start living how I wanted to. Because you actually have to do something to break the cycle. The day where it all happens for you will never come.
It’s your choice, so why not make it now?
I've created the REALIGN worksheet to help you tune back in and make immediate changes to realign with your heart.
And if you’ve made the choice, here are the steps I took to finally allow myself to be heart led.
KNOW THAT YOU WILL MESS UP
It’s a given, you won’t do it all the time, you will let your good intentions and habit slide sometimes. Get used to being kind to yourself when you make a mistake or drop the ball. It’s never actually about the ‘mistake’ it’s about how you treat yourself in the face of it.
The more mindful you are about how you speak to yourself, the easier it is for everything else to fall into place.
CHECK IN WITH THE MESSAGES YOU'RE SENDING
Are you telling the world that you come last? Observe your patterns, and begin to notice themes. Are you a push over a work, but practice boundaries a little more at home?
Do you always say yes to a particular friend?
This is purely about observing, not analysing. Just see what you notice.
GIVE YOURSELF SPACE TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE
Often we feel that when we’re given a choice, we have to decide in that moment whether it’s for us. Sometimes it’s super clear, and sometimes we need a little more time to drop into our heart and see what feels right for us.
Don’t be afraid to give yourself space, by removing yourself from the situation. That might mean saying to a friend ‘that sounds great, let me get back to you on that’. Or not instantly replying to that email.
The more you make choices from your heart – even if it takes a little longer at first, the easier it will become.
OBSERVE THE CHATTER BUT DON'T ENGAGE
When a thought arises, you have a choice to either engage with it, and run off with the story your mind is creating or, witness the thought without engaging with it.
Both take the same amount of energy, however the first choice is the one we often lean towards, purely from habit.
This is often where anxiety comes from. Engaging with thoughts that are fabrications of the mind. Possible outcomes, stories or memories that are bending however they please, to back up a story or belief that your mind has created. None of it is real.
And it doesn’t serve you in any way at all.
Witness the thought by coming back to your breath and bringing your attention back to your heart.
To go deeper into this work, I’ve created a downloadable worksheet for you, called REALIGN. This will guide you through these practices, and help you get clear on what you heart most desires.
The most important thing to remember here, and what I want to leave you with, is that you are whole and complete right now, as you are. All the answers you are seeking are already within you, and as you begin to uncover the layers that have stopped you from accessing your heart, you will fall back into a place of love and alignment. And if you’ve never felt that before, you’ll feel it for the first time.
Why you feel yourself waver, what brings you straight back to your heart? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. I would love to hear your practices!