When we compare ourselves to others, the issue isn’t in noticing the difference between the other person, and ourselves. We hit discomfort because we give away our power. And when we give away our power, we loose connection to ourselves, and it’s from that space that we feel ungrateful, inferior, agitated and totally out of alignment.
We all know the feeling of looking to someone else and all they have, and the flooding rush of energy that moves through us as we’re overcome with jealousy. And lets be honest, it’s not something that is often talked about.
Because it’s one of the deadly sins?
Or maybe it’s because with jealousy comes a mountain of internal shame, and no one wants to expose that to the world.
I have felt jealousy too many times to count, and I know you have too. #realtalk
It’s time we unlocked this conversation, because as I said at the start of this post, the issue isn’t noticing the difference between yourself and another person, it’s how it makes you feel. And hiding your shame isn’t going to change the pattern.
Powerless. Disconnected. Unworthy. Broken.
I don’t want you to feel any of this, let alone all of them in one big hit! It damages your relationship with yourself, and your self belief plummets. Not exactly the recipe for a vibrant life!
It’s from this space of clarity that we can make a change. (Not that shame space we were just talking about)
The reason we indulge in comparison, isn’t that we want to get clear on why we aren’t ‘good enough’, it’s because there is something that we’re missing, that we want to find.
And no it’s not what she’s got.
It’s a little deeper than that.
I want to encourage you to be honest with yourself, do you lovingly and wholeheartedly accept who you are?
Because I can promise you that every situation of jealousy that I have discussed with a client comes back to their relationship with themselves. So if this is something that you’re facing, I want you to be honest with yourself.
Self care is the best place to start.
Priorities the things that make you feel good, but don’t come with the pressure of an outcome. Make time for them, and leave your guilt at the door.
What brings you back into your power? What makes you feel solid, and grounded in who you are?
And if you don’t know, all the more reason to invest in this work.
Just play! Have fun, try it out. And if you don’t like the things you’re doing, try something else.
Self care is about feeling good, so if it doesn’t feel good, you’re doing it wrong!
Choose the things that light you up!
Here are some ideas to get you started…
Reading a book
Sitting in the sunshine
Attending a class or a creative workshop
Dance in your kitchen
Spending time with your animals (or someone else!)
Treat yourself to a spa visit
Walk in nature
*On a side note, if guilt is big for you, I recommend the work of Brene Brown.
This is about building a solid foundation from the ground up, and it always starts with your relationship with yourself. This step can’t be skipped. Well it actually can, but you’ll find yourself facing the same issues over and over again in a different outfit.
Creating a foundation of a solid relationship with yourself is key to moving through comparison and jealousy, and setting yourself up for new habits that serve your highest purpose.
So tell me, what are you going to do for yourself today to build your solid foundation? Share in the comments section below.